Art of Game

A game of wits and cunning intuition, Rock-Paper-Scissors has settled many a mild dispute. But what if someone could cheat the game gods and have their way with the system? Imagine the possibility. Always going first when two friends “called it” simultaneously, never having to settle for the less attractive sister, the Rock-Paper-Scissors champion is constantly smiled on by fate, never subject to the will of others. Ruling with an iron first, hand and two fingers, any adept player could easily climb the social ladder to the top of their friend group simply by making every decision. The best player has all the power. So how can you step up your game in what boils down to chance alone?Mistake 1, you’ve already made it. You just agreed that Rock-Paper-Scissors is a game of chance. While certainly there is an amount of luck involved, Rock-Paper-Scissors is as much a game of chance as you have of winning the World Series of Poker. That’s right, while there are only 3 choices come “shoot!” time, there is nearly an endless line of strategy. Perhaps, the most essential skill in Rock-Paper-Scissors is the ability to read your opponent. Stereotyping, though frowned upon among police officers by lawyers and judges, can be a great tool to gain a competitive advantage in lower stakes rationalization. Take a good long look at your opposition and try to assign them to a particular object. Is your opponent a power player or finesse guy? If you are up against a male with no sleeves in a public setting, you can almost assure he is going to opt for rock, if only because he is so hard that any other choice could be viewed of a sign of weakness. In fact, he may pick rock 4 to 5 times in a row before he realizes the need to adapt. Beware of the muscle-bound mentalist, though he may at first appear like a standard rock-draw, this player knows you are anticipating rock, thus will throw a scissors to beat your paper. Hopefully you have been paying attention to his mannerisms and comments throughout the night to discern if he is capable of such intelligent deception.Paper is for the meek, but a wise man once said the meek will inherit the Earth. A mature player will choose paper. The young adolescent type and again, the overly masculine, will stay away from paper like the plague, largely due to connotations with reading, writing, even origami. Furthermore, nothing could be more embarrassing to this player than losing to a guy in a tank top, making the urge to play scissors an unnecessary risk. If you find yourself seeing your own reflection in a pair of prescription glasses, paper is on its way, counter with scissors. In an era of contacts and Lasik, any person who wears glasses does so by choice and is intentionally going for the intellectual chic look, thus they will certainly play the sign that seems smartest to onlookers.Never trust a man or woman who drops scissors in the first around; they often fancy themselves some sort of evil genius. Generally scissors are reserved for females with questionable levels of sanity and guys who think they are smarter than they are. Obviously, the loony birds just like the idea of thrusting sharp objects in your general direction while know-it-alls are so desperate to outsmart the intellectual types (paper) they suddenly find themselves at the mercy of meatheads (rock).To win the game you truly have to want to win. Consider the Adventures of Pete & Pete, a critically acclaimed Nickelodeon series running from 1993 to 1996, when the bully Paper Cut constantly chose paper, yet all the kids in town were too afraid to cast scissors. You cannot fear your opponent to have a chance in Rock-Paper-Scissors, rather use intimidation to your advantage. Let your opponent know what you are about the throw, then turn on the crazy eyes (unless you are female, this will be a dead scissors giveaway). Knowing no logical person would admit their hand before it’s cast, they will certainly guard against another option. Then, throw the exact sign you warned the other player about, if he mirrors your move, just do it again. Throw the same sign on-repeat until your opponent breaks. Once he or she is defeated, the entire audience will think, “Wow, dude’s crazy.” The same sentiment boxers felt when stepping into the ring against Mike Tyson or Muhammad Ali in their prime, or really any enclosed space with Mike Tyson to this day.Rock-Paper-Scissors may look simple enough on the surface, but mind games are a must to stand up to a seasoned player. It’s a complex game of refined skill, so study our opponent, dress in disguise, whatever necessary, and keep your paper hand strong.